blackandwhitemusician:

So people have said a lot about how Dazai messed up in the past and how he continues to adopt questionable methods in the present.

It’s no use trying to justify his past actions or finding excuses for him, but that’s kinda the point. The point of having Dazai on the good side even though he was the Port Mafia’s demonic prodigy for several years of his boyhood is precisely that despite being a demonic prodigy, he turned around and went over to the good side. 

The thing is, Dazai probably doesn’t care if people think he is good or evil (I use “probably” a lot because I have no idea how Dazai actually views himself). So it’s pointless to even try to justify his past actions. Even Dazai himself probably wouldn’t try to justify his own actions. He’s extremely intelligent, adaptable, and sharp. These qualities allowed him to survive and thrive in the Mafia, and it was all he knew for quite a while. But, we tend to forget he was just a child. Who is to say he didn’t feel terrified when Mori made him his accomplice in the assassination of the previous boss? Sure, he bounced back fast, and went on to even threaten Mori. But that’s what he’s good at, bouncing back, surviving and thriving in whatever situation he finds himself in. 

But a child can only do so much. If you lock him in a dark room, never letting him see the brighter, bigger world, he would thrive in the darkness and wouldn’t have known there were other options out there for him. For a while, he was stuck in the life of taking and killing. Only when Odasaku, someone in the same organisation as Dazai who refused to take or kill, showed up, did he know of a possibility of living without taking all the time. Even before he died, Odasaku showed Dazai a light he had never seen before. He showed Dazai that just being in the darkness didn’t mean he couldn’t be good. And when he died, Odasaku taught Dazai that it’s ok to do good for your own sake, because at the end of the day, “people live to save themselves”. Odasaku himself did good for the sake of his own redemption, but it didn’t erase the fact that he did good. Odasaku acknowledge that while Dazai wasn’t inherently righteous, he was not born to be evil, either. So he helped Dazai see a different possibility, a different way to live his life and find his own salvation.

And at this point, Dazai was still a child. He was alone before Odasaku showed up, and now he was alone again. Shit, he must have been so scared. He was lost, he was alone. Odasaku pointed out the fact that Dazai felt stuck and lost in the Mafia, and now he had no idea where to go. Dazai had thrived in the darkness, but now that darkness was no longer a refuge to him. He didn’t know where to go, and that’s why he asked Odasaku to guide him. He was just a lost, lonely boy, watching the only person who was there to guide him slip away in front of him. Dazai was at a standstill, and now Odasaku pointed him to a crossroad. Dazai, no longer lost, realized that even he had a choice.

The point is, Dazai can be whatever he chooses to be. If he had been interested in being the boss of the Port Mafia, Mori would have been dead by now. Honestly, for someone who doesn’t give a damn about being good or evil, just the fact that Dazai chose to be on the good side was a damn remarkable thing to me. The fact that he made that choice after Odasaku advised him to, shows how much faith and trust Dazai had in Odasaku’s guidance. Odasaku was the only person who even tried to guide Dazai. 

But, even after escaping that darkness, even after bathing himself in the light for the first time, Dazai the kid has no idea how to live like someone who’s been in the light. He smiles his way through, secretly reads and manipulates people to navigate himself, and paints himself as a careless good-for-nothing to bury his real emotions and potential beneath. The fact that Dazai struggles in the light does not mean that he was born to thrive in the dark. It just shows that even Dazai needs time to adjust, even the demonic prodigy can’t help feeling lost in a world he is not used to. 

People have said that Dazai doesn’t have a strand of guilt for all the shit he’s done, and continues to make similar mistakes. I personally don’t think Dazai doesn’t feel any guilt. As Odasaku acknowledged, Dazai is not inherently evil. He doesn’t kill for the thrill, and he doesn’t kill if he can help it.

I don’t know about you, but that look on his face tells me he is having some pretty unpleasant memories of the time he was the demonic prodigy of the Port Mafia. That smile – the bitter smile that follows – tells me he would rather listen to anything but the recount of his own fucking crimes. He also brushed it off by saying “sadism is just a process of doing things”. This means that while deep down he is not a sadistic person (even though it looks like he very much is), he resorted to sadistic methods to achieve his objective. In other words, to him, the end justifies the means. He also states “and people change” – with that unchanging smile – that is his own personal acknowledgement that he is trying so hard to be better, for the sake of his promise with Odasaku. The fact that he tried to change the subject by talking about Gin also tells me that he would rather not talk about his past crimes any more.

AKA I-don’t-know-about-you-but-this-scene-and-that-look-on-his-face-still-tears-me-apart.

So, Dazai doesn’t try to justify his actions to anyone, but he’s also not proud of what he did. He did what he had to do, but if you ask me, I think even this man has some sense of guilt for the mess he caused in the Mafia. What differentiates him from Odasaku or Fukuzawa is the fact that he doesn’t think of himself as someone looking for redemption or atonement. He also doesn’t think of himself as being in the path to righteousness. He doesn’t give a flying fuck about righteousness (probably), but he does care about what Odasaku would have done. So if he had guilt, then it would be guilt over the possibility that he is not what Odasaku would have wanted him to become.

So back to Dazai’s promise with Odasaku, I believe Dazai had to be so damn brave to leave behind his life in the darkness and rush towards the light, as long as his friend told him to, even though he had no idea how to live bathed in the light. He was lost without Odasaku, but his words gave him something to cling on to. That’s why no matter what people say, Dazai can’t be taken aback. Even if the whole world thinks Dazai is the devil reincarnated, as long as Odasaku believes he can be good, then you bet he will try his hardest to become good.

And after Odasaku is gone, the torch is passed on to Atsushi. This boy sincerely believes in the good part that lives on in Dazai, and this means that once more, Dazai can have someone who believes he can do good, and you bet he will. 

And it doesn’t just stop with Dazai. He passed it on to the people around him. That is his way of thanking Odasaku for letting him see the light, and for being the only person who tried to understand him and guide him. Dazai told Kyouka that just because she had killed doesn’t mean she can’t be a good person from now on. He knows it, because he has seen Odasaku become good, and Odasaku has told him to be good. Dazai gave Atsushi his sincere advice to help Atsushi deal with the pain associated with his past. He gave Akutagawa the acknowledgement he needed, but only after Akutagawa had opened his eyes enough after his interactions with Atsushi.

Dazai was and is still living for himself first and foremost, but that’s what everyone does, isn’t it? At the end of the day, all kind actions are inherently self-serving. But that doesn’t mean one shouldn’t be kind to that end.

I’m not trying to find excuses for him – hell, even Dazai doesn’t try to find excuses for himself, he knows what he’s done – but he is trying real hard, ok? 

This is truly the best post about Dazai’s character I have ever seen on this godforsaken site. Thank you so much for making me smile, OP!