Hello anon-chan, and oh! Did Dazai mention that while he was here…? 

Sara-chaaan! Let me answer it! It’s the question I’ve wanted to get!

It’s the question I’ve wanted to answer all day!

It’s for meeee-

NO! It has my name in it and it’s my blog again! I’m answering it…

I’ve gotta be honest, I actually did not know for a long time why he said that, and I never really was sure he was calling me that until he confirmed it himself (and after it became one of his nicknames for me…)

Because I don’t really think I look like Barbie? We have the same body type sure, kinda too skinny… A little on the taller side. But when most people think Barbie, they think classic Barbie… They think Higuchi! Higuchi looks like Barbie. She’s light-skinned, bright-eyed, and has blonde hair tied back in a bun, just like Barbie does. I don’t look like Barbie, I have dark skin and hair and eyes.

Not to Dazai though…

But that’s why when I walked into the Uzumaki Cafe with my parents, too scared of them to look up or open my mouth, needless to say I was surprised to heck and back when suddenly there’s a shout of “BARBIE?!” 

I looked up for a split second, just a moment.

And there he was…

The most beautiful man I had ever seen, with such a look of shock on his face. I looked away just as quick because there was no way he could mean me, he must’ve been talking to one of the waitresses… But when I snuck another glance at him, he winked at me.

I definitely didn’t know I’d end up marrying him at the time! And even after I did marry him, I still didn’t know why he said that. That was my first impression of him, and it was his first impression of me… I was going to ask him about it, but there was some fun speculating it by myself for a while, so I never did. Then he told me one day all on his own!

So it turns out, there was this little girl in the place he used to work at before the Agency? (Of course I know where that place was, but… I don’t really think Dazai likes either of us saying it aloud too often.) This little girl was his boss’ daughter or something, and Dazai had been there since he was thirteen or fourteen, so in between, ah, work, sometimes he’d end up babysitting or playing with her. She was pretty spoiled, so she always had her way! If she wanted Dazai to play with her, then the boss would prioritize that over everything else, or so Dazai says.

And like any little girl (or any girl who wasn’t me, haha! I wasn’t allowed to have Barbies when I was small) she had lots and lots of Barbies. And with most little girls who like playing with Barbies, they like Barbies who look like themselves? Since this little girl was blonde, Barbies who looked like her were easy to come by, so all her dolls were blonde just like her. All but one…

Dazai said there was just one Barbie, who had brown hair. Brown wavy hair and brown eyes, and tan skin, too. She wore a pink dress, and she had a teeny tiara, because she was a princess doll. And that little girl had never even taken her out of the box, probably because she didn’t look like her. (And Dazai said she didn’t have friends for her to think it looked like one of them.)

Figuring that the little girl wouldn’t notice – and she didn’t – he just. Took it. Just took the doll, box and all, for no reason. I couldn’t help but be upset that he stole a little girl’s doll, of all things, but Dazai said he had no choice. He felt… Bad? That the Barbie that he thought was so pretty and innocent was just trapped in there and never played with. So he hid it somewhere secret, and he was, you know, a teenage boy. He didn’t play with dolls and he didn’t have time to anyways, but when things got rough… He’d just bring out Barbie and stare at her a while.

Toys are still wonderful things, to Dazai – he can’t get enough of my plushies, that’s for sure! I don’t think he’s ever really had any. I didn’t have a lot, either, most of my things would get taken away… I don’t know much about his childhood, though, I can’t say it’s the same as mine. We’re kind of in the same boat though, thinking children’s toys are just little miracles that you can buy.

So he had a Barbie, as embarrassed as he looked to admit it. And that Barbie didn’t look like Higuchi-Barbie (as much as I love Higuchi-Barbies, I’d do anything to have one). It was his own Barbie, and it was the one thing that was pretty and innocent and happy and simple, and gave Dazai all sorts of nice feelings in the world he was in at the time.

Then one day, she was gone.

I think he thinks somebody took her. I think he thinks that one of his superiors found out, because they couldn’t let him be human for even a moment. I think he’s right. But he was never sure. I don’t think there’s a way he’ll ever be.

But he got Barbie back. 

Instead of Higuchi-Barbie…
It was Sara-Barbie. That’s me!